I talk to God about everything.
Whether big or small, we discuss it. I’ll never forget one random 6AM morning a few months ago, He and I were talking about social media. At the time, my Instagram had been deactivated for several months and I honestly didn’t know what to do about the page. I knew because of the calling on my life, I would eventually have to come back but I didn’t want to.
“I just want it to be real God.” I expressed with exasperation. “I want everything I post to be real and authentically me. I don’t want to perform anymore. I’m tired of looking at everyone being fake and I just don’t want that to be me. I want them to see the real me.”
“Delete it.” Was His simple and gentle response. “Count everything you did before this moment as dung, because I wasn’t included in any of it. Then it’ll be real.”
Uhhhh excuse me?! Delete it?!!! I had over 10,000 followers! I was just trynna do something real, not start over from scratch!!
I ain’t hear him right. Couldn’t have.
“Count it as dung isn’t really in the Bible. People just say that.”
“Look it up.”
Y’all think I’m playing but this is really how my talks with Jesus go. I be trying Him and He always hit me with the facts!
So what I do? I searched “dung” in my bible app in all translations and sure enough.. there it was.
“Furthermore I count all things to be but a loss for the excellent knowledge of Jesus Christ my Lord; for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them but as dung, that I may gain Christ:”
Philippians 3:8 DRC1752
So I DID hear Him right. I had to delete my page and start over. Why? Because of what He said.. I did everything without Him. It was for nothing.
God told me long before my page became what it was, that He would be the one to send my following and grow my influence. Not believing Him and not trusting Him, I hired a marketing team to do the work for me. They grew my page with a real following and real engagement but with all the times God kicked me off social media for long stretches of time, I began losing that engagement drastically. And eventually it became where I had a huge following number but less than 5% of them were actually engaged actively.
I wasn’t obedient about this when I reactivated my page because I let my ego and pride get to my head. I thought having a certain number of followers over others gave me a sense of validation. That “likes” added value to my self esteem and worth. That I needed to “appear” to be someone and something that I wasn’t just to be accepted by people that didn’t even know me.
So at the end of the day.. I was still faking it. I still wasn’t being my true self. My following wasn’t natural and organic and because of that I wasn’t being natural and organic either.
I want to post my fine days and I want to post on my ugly days. All my angles aren’t flattering but it’s real. My laugh can be annoying but I love to do it. I get on my friend’s nerves. I get on my own nerves. I love Jesus more than I love anything or anyone in this world. I love my church. I love my family. I’m goofy. I stutter when I get excited. My head is big. One of my front teeth is bigger than the other. I love being bald headed but I also love weave. I don’t always use filters and then sometimes I use a lot. I can be super loud sometimes and then other times really soft spoken. I can be really childish and then other times super mature. I’m growing. I’m learning. I’m evolving.
I just want to be Tiffany! I just want to give people the same me they’ll meet in person. And whether that equates to 100 followers or a million, whether I get 2 likes or 50, I don’t wanna change up. I want to be free on this platform. I want people to fall for ME and not what I do. I don’t want to box myself. I’m not just a writer.. I’m many things. But the most important thing I am, is a believer and follower of Jesus Christ.
If I don’t give you Jesus, if I don’t represent Him in all that I do. Everything else is meaningless..
“But as I looked at everything I had worked so hard to accomplish, it was all so meaningless—like chasing the wind. There was nothing really worthwhile anywhere.”
Ecclesiastes 2:11 NLT
I’m learning that working hard for yourself and working hard to make something happen for your own personal gain is meaningless when Jesus isn’t the center of that.
Chase Him. Pursue Him. Nothing else.
And all else will fall into place.
I’m not sorry that I annoyed you by making a new page..
I’m sorry that it took me this long to be free and obedient in this area.
And my prayer is that one day, you will be too!