If Not Now, When?!

“The two most powerful warriors are patience and time.” Leo Tolstoy

Time has been my best friend and also my worst enemy.

I can see how time is beneficial. You want time to learn a new hobby or interest, to get over a heartbreak or even to prolong our expected expiration date at the end of this life.

Then there are times where you have to wait.. like for your next vacation day, or Monday morning and all you want is Friday.. ooor you when put a pan of mac and cheese in the oven and gotta wait for that bad boy to finish cooking.

For me, right now? Time is my worst enemy.

I hate waiting.

I’m the most impatient person I know. Especially when I have a sneak peek of what’s to come. I think it’s why God purposely doesn’t reveal the whole picture to me, because he knows I’ll do anything to make it happen.

Like right now.

I know that I’m called to be successful, I’m called to have a mass influence, I’m called to be known for my ability to create.

And I can’t. 

With knowing all of this in my near future, God is like “nah..wait.”

And EYE HATE ITTTTTTTT!

I’m ambitious by nature. When I see something in my reach, I go for it. If I know the next book I publish is going to be fire, I want to write that book! Even with the other projects I’m working on that only few are privy to, I’m ready to get the ball rolling.

Yet every time I try to move, I’m blocked. And knowing it’s not even the devil.. that it’s God blocking me.. makes me all the more frustrated!

I’m looking at God like, “Why you even tell me this! Why get me excited just for me to wait?!!!”

That’s me, in my feelings and my frustrations. Thinking I know better than God. Thinking I got it figured out. Thinking that when the success hit, Imma give Him all the glory and I’m not gonna slip away. That’s me in my own head and my own reasoning.

I be tripping, like God doesn’t know me better than me.

And deep down, I know it too. I’m not committed to Him like I should be as a broke and unknown person. Why would I think it would be better if I actually got the things I was pressed for?

Isn’t that wild? How we think “If only I had this, THEN I would be this..”

That is the furthest from the truth. 

I remember the days I thought I would feel better having a paid off car than one I had to pay monthly for. But literally since I’ve had the paid off car, I’ve been itching to buy a new vehicle. Just because what I have, in my mind, isn’t enough. I barely appreciate the paid off car like I should, what makes me think it would be any better if I had one that I had to pay hundreds of dollars for each month?

And listen, I’ll be the first to admit that I can be all talk. I can’t even tell you the countless conversations I’ve had with God about the stuff I was going to do “tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow, I’m going to get up early and spend time with you God.” 

“Tomorrow, I’m going to study my word.”

“Tomorrow, I’m going to start working out.”

“Tomorrow, I’m going to eat better and live a healthier lifestyle.”

And tomorrow comes and it goes, and I was the same person I was yesterday.

I haven’t proven that I was going to be person I told God I was going to be. Why? Because I don’t start today.

I take advantage of the time I so desperately try to rush. 

I haven’t even done the things God been asking for since last year, some the year before last.

When I come down off my ‘woe is me, life ain’t fair’ spill.. I know that me not having the things I desire, isn’t a punishment. God is a good father. He knows what’s best. He’s not the type of dad to give a baby the keys to a Ferrari and tell them to go drive.

He knows it takes time and maturity to even get to the age where driving is appropriate. And even at 16, a Ferrari isn’t appropriate. We may start with an old school Honda first. A good starter car so that if I make any mistakes or get in any accidents, the collateral damage isn’t great. Because seriously, what 16 year old can afford the damage of a foreign car.

He’s a good father for creating time. He’s a good father because time benefits us always. 

The bible puts it a little like this…

“Yet God has made everything beautiful for its own time. He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God’s work from beginning to end.” – Ecclesiastes 3:11.

In a nutshell, Daddy knows best. He knows the right time, and though we may not know, He knows. We have to trust that His timing is perfect. And also accept that we don’t want anything that we’re not ready for. We must know that what makes the timing so perfect is that God is going to be right there with us!

Even Moses understood this principle when God basically told him he and the children of Israel could go on to the Promise land but He wasn’t gonna roll with them. Because God knew, they wasn’t ready. And He wasn’t about to accompany them on a journey that none of them were prepared for, just because THEY were in a hurry. 

“Then Moses said, “If you don’t personally go with us, don’t make us leave this place. How will anyone know that you look favorably on me – on me and on your people – if you don’t go with us? For your presence among us sets your people and me apart from all other people on the earth.” – Exodus 33:15-16

We shouldn’t want anything that God doesn’t want for us, when we’re not ready for it! If Moses would’ve went without God, all of them were gonna die. God knew this and warned him of this, because He’s such a good Dad. It wasn’t like He didn’t want them to get to freedom. He wanted them to SUSTAIN the freedom.

This is an area I have to renew my mind constantly in. God wants me to get to the place, and have the things, and aid change to the lives of many for His sake..

But more importantly He wants me to keep it! What good is it, to get to the place next month, just to lose it, myself AND Him in the matter of minutes! He wants to keep me and He also wants me to keep the blessings along the way. And only He knows, the dangers and trials I’ll have to face. Only He knows the battles I’ll have to fight. And what kind of Father would He be, to send me to a war that I’ll lose in? He wants me to win, even more than I want to win.

He just needs time to prepare me, and I’m not making it any easier by resisting it. 

I don’t want to be like the children of Israel who turned an 11 day journey into a 40 year wait. I don’t want to be that stubborn and rebellious. I don’t want to long for Egypt or worship golden cows thinking I got it all figured out and God doesn’t know what’s best. 

He absolutely does!

So pray for me guys because I have not mastered the art of waiting. I needed to write this blog to encourage me, and I pray it has encouraged you too!

We’ll get to where we’re going in due time…

And not a minute later.

XOXO